I’ve spent the last week and a half trying to figure out what to write here—not that I didn’t have moments of inspiration, they just seemed to be very fleeting and I was either too busy or too distracted to write anything down in the moment.  I’ve carried a harsh taskmaster along with me most of my life, one that indicts me for being unproductive, the one who points fingers at me when I don’t live up to an imaginary standard—where I picture God holding up a ruler on a door jamb, measuring my growth, acknowledging where I stand and pointing out where I should be in this journey called the Christian life.

It gets a little tricky, though, because there have been times where my religious activities have been formed from a sense of duty rather than birthed of the Spirit of God—yet how in the world can I communicate the love of God without fear of reprisal when my motives are fueled by fear and obligation?  There is a fine tension between the grace of God and obedience to God—and it can only be resolved through relationship with Him and the presence of His Holy Spirit dwelling in our hearts by faith.

I remember making some marks on the doorjambs when my children were growing up—the interesting thing is that I never looked at those marks and compared them to where I thought they should be; instead, I recognized them as growth marks, stages of development they already achieved—and it was exciting!  The thing is, as long as we have breath, we are either growing or declining spiritually—and it has everything to do with faith.  “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek him” (Hebrews 11:6).

In and of itself, Bible reading is not a growth mark on the wall; yet the apostle Paul teaches, “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans10:17).  Faith grows as we feed upon God’s Word, the Bible—not so much dutifully as hungrily seeking to know the One who made us and shows his love for us throughout scripture.

I love my routines and quiet times in the mornings, yet life is not always so accommodating.  It’s been a long time since I had small children around and now that I’m living with my daughter and 3-year old granddaughter, I am remembering the demands of family and the difficulty it was to have quiet times.  And life is so demanding for many others, that stolen moments of Bible reading become a luxury.  Observing the life of military members also gives me a sense of, “how do they do it?” when their work schedules are often changed from days to nights and back again—there really is no such thing as a forty-hour week for them—what a challenge to establish a pattern of Bible study and meditation!

The reality is that there are forces greater than our schedules, greater than the demands of home and family, and greater than the responsibilities of our work that distract us or set up roadblocks on this journey towards spiritual maturity.  We have an enemy who has had thousands of years of practice undermining the faith and the lives of believers.  I do not know all of his strategies but I do know that he does not want people studying the Bible and growing in grace and the knowledge of God, for he is a thief and he “comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10).

I have come to see Paul’s instruction on spiritual warfare, “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12), from another angle.  It is more than a struggle against my weaknesses and my flesh that distracts me from reading the Word and spending time in prayer; rather, the enemy recognizes the vulnerabilities of humanity and, as a lion seeking its prey, pursues my destruction.

We fight spiritual battles with spiritual weapons:  Truth, Righteousness, the Gospel of Peace, Faith, Salvation, and the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God—we do not want to let the enemy disarm us in any way!  We can also be confident that the One who began a good work in us “will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6), God is for us and nothing can separate us from His love, and “we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:37).

I recognize that I’ve got a lot of growth ahead of me in my relationship with God, yet I let go of the guilt and condemnation from the past, as well as the unrealized expectations I put on myself.  I press on, knowing that God has much more of His presence and power for me to experience.