When someone prefaces their comments with the phrase, “to be honest…” it usually indicates they are about to reveal something a bit deeper about themselves than they might usually say in normal conversation. I think that often it has more to do with attaching significance to a statement than intimate confession; however, I am inclined to use the phrase when I want to reveal something personal.

Somewhere along the way, we’ve learned to defend our personal “realities”, while our culture teaches us to express honesty through the filter of our perceptions and emotions—all in the interest of “being transparent”. Every one of us wants to be heard; we want people to respect and understand us—we long to be loved and accepted for who we are. At a very young age we learn that there are safe people and places where it is ok to talk; yet for most of us, we realize that there are many more situations where it is not prudent to open ourselves up.

Scripture teaches us to “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16). Inherent in this directive is both the hope for healing and for answered prayer. I have noticed though, that it is so much easier to confess the “sins” of others to my friends or family members than it is to confess my own brokenness and failings—in fact, it is very difficult to see my flaws or acknowledge sin in my life. It is so much easier to focus on the people, situations, or problems confronting me than it is to confess my less than stellar reactions to imperfect human beings just being human.

For the Christian, integrity is not optional—when we receive Jesus as, not only our Savior, but also our Lord, we become new creations and the old ways of doing life pass away (2 Corinthians 5:17). Paul wrote to his son in the faith, Timothy, explaining to him that the purpose of his apostolic instruction “is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith” (1 Timothy 1:5).

Jesus, in the parable of the sower, described the good soil, or the ones receptive to the Word of God as, “those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience” (Luke 8:15). An “honest and good heart” results from a life surrendered to Holy Spirit, growing in fruitfulness and the knowledge of Jesus through His Word. For most of us who have been walking with the Lord for a while, though, we recognize that not every word that comes out of our mouths reflect the redeemed heart God placed within us.

There seems to be such a fine line between transparently opening up our hearts and our vulnerabilities to another person and drifting into the realm of complaining or expressing discontentment with where God leads us, and the people He brings into our lives. I have to ask myself whether the words I speak flow from faith and truth or fear and faithlessness. …and whether, in the midst of my “speaking honestly”, I am speaking truth.

Paul, in writing to the church at Ephesus, describes Christian maturity this way, “speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:15, 16). He also counsels the Philippians, “Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation” (Philippians 2:14, 15).

There is a big difference between “venting” and confession—venting our frustrations to another person is something akin to a dog chasing its tail, running around in circles, never getting anywhere and not accomplishing anything. However, both Job and the prophet Jeremiah demonstrate that God welcomes our complaints when we recognize this about Him: “He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me, I shall come out as gold” (Job 23:10); and, “Righteous are you, O Lord, when I complain to you; yet I would plead my case before you….But you, O Lord, know me; you see me, and test my heart toward you” (Jeremiah 12:1, 3).

Confession involves humbling ourselves and owning up to our words, activities, and attitudes—particularly the ones that reflect unbelief, disobedience, and fear. The thing is, God will not heal what we do not admit is broken; yet amazing inner healing and restoration are released when we willingly admit our sins to God and, as He leads, to other people.

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.

– Joseph M. Scriven –