No doubt about it, I love the holidays! …the music, the movies, the food, the festive atmosphere—all of it!  But mostly I love being with family and friends.  Of course, some of the demands and schedules get a little harrowing, but for the most part, the upsides outweigh the downsides.

Mostly.

I don’t know if that is true for everyone, though; because for some, the holiday season often hides some dark threads weaving through thoughts, emotions, and relationships.  Sometimes expectations and personal history cast dark shadows over those moments that could hold the most joy for us. 

I still feel the pain as my thoughts cried out to God recently, “Why can’t we forgive?”  “Why do we have to hold on to offenses even during one of the most sacred times of the year?”  “Why can’t we let go of what divides us for just one day out of the year?”

I think we have the notion that, since we cannot accept the behavior of another or our perception of what they did to us, we cannot let that person into our lives for even a day.  Seems to me that belief is sourced either in self-righteousness or unforgiveness.  Unfortunately, both of those attitudes—self-righteousness (pride) and unforgiveness—are so much more easily recognizable in others instead of ourselves.

God has a few things to say about our attitudes; but to recognize sinful attitudes within our hearts, we need to humble ourselves before Him, allowing the Holy Spirit complete access to our souls.  “Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts!  And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24) And we need to listen to hear what He has to say!

Writing this is difficult because I have struggled so much with my own heart attitudes.  I have been (painfully) self-righteous, pride does whisper into my thoughts, I have claimed to forgive and then turned around to gossip or condemn another in conversation.  Thank God for His grace and the Holy Spirit for faithfully alerting me to the “grievous” ways in my heart and leading “me in the way everlasting!” 

I cannot sit here and write, “Why can’t they forgive, why do they hold on to offenses?” without yielding my heart to God and inquiring, “Where have I not forgiven; where do I nurture offense?”  Or how many times have I whispered in my heart, “I am better than that,” and unconsciously thought, I am better than them. …or thought, “I am glad that I am not like them!” 

Although we are horrified by the attitudes and behaviors of the Pharisees, can we not honestly admit that at times our thoughts reflect the very same postures Jesus condemned?  We isolate ourselves from others – if not physically, then emotionally – when we become aloof from others by the judgments and criticisms we entertain: “The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’…  (Luke 18:11-12)

It is so much easier to visualize our worth through good works and through our good behavior, and condemn others for not living up to the imaginary standards we set for ourselves, or them, (which we ourselves quite often are unable to achieve—my judgment of other drivers is an excellent example of that…condemning another for not using his or her turn signals and then forgetting to use mine).

The apostle Paul admonished the Roman believers, “Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges.  For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.” (Romans 2:1) My inclination is to immediately retort, “No I don’t!”  But God knows our hearts better than we know them ourselves and He says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?  ‘I the Lord search the heart and test the mind….’” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

But it was when we were at our worst, in the depth of our sin, that Jesus reached out for fallen, broken humanity.  “But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God.  For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life.  More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” (Romans 5:8-11).

The best place for us to stand is far away from hypocrisy and, like the tax collector, bow our hearts before God. … “But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’  I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other.  For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 18:13-14).

The monumental difference between these two men is that one attempted to justify himself and the other was justified by God.

The is no legitimate excuse, no justification for self-righteousness or unforgiveness when Jesus so freely extends reconciliation to us!

Instead, let us heed the wise counsel of the Holy Spirit:

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:29-32)